In a frustrating turn of events, I lost the post I spent the last hour and a half writing. It was a treatise to all rain gods everywhere declaring that Fat Joe and Lil Wayne should replace them, and that henceforth all storms and showers should feature the pair standing atop a cloud performing "Make it Rain" as they, in fact, make it rain. Many things were addressed in the treatise, including my admission that the song is actually referring to making it rain money, not for-real precipitation. It also featured my vast knowledge of various rain gods, which was honed during the larger mythology obsession that consumed the better parts of grade 5 and 6, and which could be viewed as impressive or embarrassing, depending on your stance regarding the value of knowing minute details about hundreds of different kinds of deities. Okay, so, embarrassing, actually. Let's just settle on embarrassing. But alas, a brief wireless internet outage combined with my failure to press "save draft" have done their dirty, nasty, disgusting work.
The good news is that the basic point of the treatise can be easily summarized. It goes like this: Fat Joe and Lil Wayne should be the producers and distributors of all showers and storms; we should be able to gaze above us in wonder and delight as they ride around on their bejeweled clouds, all lightning bolts and cash money. If this was the new world order, there would definitely be times when it would literally be raining money, and this would somehow never cause inflation. Only joy, and somehow never inflation.
In celebration of ordaining Fat Joe and Lil Wayne as the new executors of precipitation, I am posting the link to the "Make It Rain" video as a way of assuring all outgoing deities of rain, who have henceforth been stripped of their consecrated duties, that appointing these two paragons of spectacle will not only preserve the respect that the position deserves, but will increase it many millions of times over. This video has clocked over 6 million views to date and I would be embarrassed to admit how many of those views are my responsibility if I wasn't certain that there is virtually nothing more worthy of my time than beholding the magic within it. Gods, prepare to be crippled by the realization of how you could have been rendered so utterly useless to humanity:
PS. I am posting the link because I do not know how to post the actual video and am currently uninterested in figuring out how, like a regular lazy.