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Thursday, March 26, 2009
On the day I rob a bank using only a toothpick, my right index finger and the word "grundle" (not even the thing, "grundle"), which will be the same day I discover time travel via chrome jetpacks installed with personalities that slowly humanize the more time they spend with a person, like in The Flight of the Navigator, or Terminator 2, or Iron Giant, or any robot movie, which will obviously be the same day the whole human race is endowed with the powers of flight, super-strength and invisibility, thus rendering those irritating questions about which-power-you'd-pick-if-you-had-to-pick-one definitively obsolete, which naturally will be the same day the entire unicorn species will return from their millenia-long interstellar road trip and will swiftly regain complete world domination, ON THIS DAY, I will be tried for setting off an unstoppable, uncontrollable and entirely irreversible chain of world-shattering events and my only defense will be that I was listening to Darla Farmer's "History" and you know the fuck what? Based on that, I WILL BE ACQUITTED.