Wednesday, January 6, 2010

2010: Discovery!

Hi. I went to Mexico for a while. I am back now. I won't leave again! (I will).

I am working on an secret dinosaur project, which you will hear about later in the coming months. It involves dino-research. For now, I want to introduce you to an underrated paleontological chimera: the Achillobator. It's a late Cretaceous raptor, and it has a rad-sounding name, derived from a rad Greek warrior. According to one blog post I read about it, it could sail and made a profitable trade as a pirate. It's the kind of fact that nobody wants checked.

All hail 2010 Discovery #1: Achillobator!!!

Pictured next to...Mila Kunis? Regardless of what fashionable actress/model is being used as a scale, it's good to know she spent her last moments looking fab.

Discovery #2! While reading this important Slate article, I learned of the existence of conjoined twins Lazarus and Joannes Baptista Colloredo for the first time. Twins who resemble a royal card! I want to make a deck of cards that is asymmetrical - the top part is Lazarus, a kind of well-traveled, cavalier and handsome hustler, and the bottom being an insensate but irrefutably alive Joannes Baptista. The cards would have a tiny coat attached, to allow Lazarus to cover his brother up if the occasion called for it.

I love so many things about the Wikipedia page for these brothers. One line reads: "Contemporary accounts described Lazarus as courteous and handsome but for his brother who just dangled before him."

That's a huge "but." That's not like saying "He's cute, but he could use a little weight." It's "He's cute, but he could lose that other human being, uncommunicative, whose head and leg are dangling upside down from his chest."

"Hey, honey, this house is great! Except it's upside down and filled with wolverines."

This etching of the brothers is also incredible. Lazarus seems to be saying "What're you looking at?" And why shouldn't he say that to me? I can't condescend to him. He undoubtedly had a much richer and more adventurous life than I will lead. All respect to him, and his bro JB.

Conversely, he could be saying "Does this conjoined twin make me look fat?"

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