Saturday, March 27, 2010

Toon Murder on the Rise

Is this a good ad for Monroe College? Here are some reasons I'm skeptical that it is:

1) Student appears to be studying an old urine stain. Said urine stain would have to be entirely unrelated to the crime, unless the victim's urethra was on his neck.

2) Student is equipped only with a magnifying glass and a folder labeled "evidence." Much though I fondly remember my childhood notions of how detective work is conducted, I now understand by way of The Wire and whoever's dad it was who spoke to us in sixth grade about forensics that it's a lot of paperwork and bureaucracy and the exciting blood/guts aspect wears off and even becomes emotionally destabilizing for some. Don't try to pull this magnifying glass crap with us; we know we're not going to Monroe College to solve the mystery hauntings on Whispering Island like in Enid Blyton's The Famous Five Have A Mystery to Solve. Yes, my parents are British, and yes, this means I was indoctrinated me into the British mystery tradition. We have Sherlock, Poirot, and the Five. What do you have, Yankees? The stupid Hardy Boys? Don't make me laugh!

What's that? have McNulty. Oh my GOD, you have Mulder and Scully! Okay, fine, I surrender! American Revolutionary War Pt. 2 once again goes to you! I will step the fuck off! I will lay my Redcoat upon this puddle so your nice, expensive shoes don't get dirty walking through it. Then I will retreat to a small, rainy island and develop a tea addiction.

3) Victim appears to be a shapeless cartoon man with claws instead of hands.

Reasons this ad works:

1) Student has nice ass.

2) Apparently, this has been the eight toon murder in a toon serial killing spree.

3) Student's jeans really a good fit, emphasizing aforementioned nice ass.


Eni said...

You mention that Halloween-type of Famous Five mystery, Five Have A Mystery To Solve in which those eerie Whispering Island winds blow over the whole island. I am glad to also inform you that I have published a book on Enid Blyton, titled, The Famous Five: A Personal Anecdotage (
Stephen Isabirye

Anonymous said...


Trevor said...

Also, the ad seems to suggest that you apply to this college via text message. That's making it work for me.

Additionally, my verification word is "hommo". What a time to be alive!